stay hungry. stay foolish. really?

thats what steve jobs says. you know that guy who made the mac with steve wozniak. the ceo of apple. the the guy who made pixar. you know the guy. well he said these lines in his famous speech at stanford. and it all made sense to me during my days of iit jee preparation. you all know what that is. if you don't, what the hell are you doing on my blog in the first place!!

so, that punch line made a world of sense to me then. then i messed up the exam. wanted to drop a year and give it again. i wanted to be hungry. but all people could see was that i wanted to be foolish and they didn't agree with steve jobs. he's a multi billionare for fuck's sake.

so anyway, they didn't agree. and it was me, a guy who apparently 'fucked up' inspite of being prepared. and did so consistently in every exam he ever gave. it was that guy against everyone else. and obviously everyone else won.

but now i'm here. and it's not bad at all. the crowd here is much better than what i'll get in iit. and i'm saying that on the basis of what i hear from my friends in various iits. so it true and not wishful thinking.

then what's the problem? is that what you ask me? the problem is this place is isolated. it's close. insulated. designed to suffocate. and designed well. your options are limited. everything around you is only because people just as helpless as you made it that way, to keep themselves sane. to keep themselves occupied. and occupied productively. well at least for the most part.

what i want is another shot at a city life. that's what i want. iit is no big deal now. cause i know, six hours is the difference between iit and any other college. that's it. so the 'brand name' or 'the tag' are not driving forces in anyway. not the least bit. just the opportunity to live in a city. a place full of opportunity. that's all i want. sounds a little insane, doesn't it? live here, then you'll know. it is.

so all i want to do is give it another shot and if i can write the paper like an ordinary individual should, it would be awesome. just to experience that feeling of satisfaction. the feeling i would get when, if, i can write a proper paper, that would be worth the effort, irrespective of me making it or not.

now you must be thinking that all i'm talking about is iit-bombay and iit-delhi. right. that's all i'm talking about. but will it make sense for me to leave electronics in BITS Pilani (apparently the best electronic engineering degree in the country) for say chemical or civil in bombay or delhi. probably not if you go by face value. that's where the stay foolish part of it comes into play. i guess i should be foolish. work, and decide later.

i guess i will do that.

leave your thoughts as comments. i need as many opinions as possible, though i'm sure none of them will be able to change my mind.

The Ladder Theory

The ladder theory is a funny, scientific explanation of how men and women
are attracted to each other. It also covers such topics as why women
sometimes just want to be friends but men always want sex. It is based upon
many years of sociological field testing, and was first conceptualized in
1994 in Exeter, CA by Dallas Lynn with acknowledgements to Jared Whitson for
his role in formalizing the theory.



Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

give a damn.

wouldn't it be awesome if we had no conscience? if we absolutely didn't care about anything. do whatever you feel like and not care. i know some people like that. and its awesome to see them happy. always. at least on the surface. i would love to be that happy. i would love to be that care free. i would just love it. all i would worry about is not worrying. no future, no expectations to live up to, not even your own. taking life one day at a time. and the saddest part is that all of this is just a matter of choice, a matter of attitude, a matter of thought. so its all there for me to take. the point is that i can't. maybe its the environment i grew up in. maybe my dad was always so practically oriented that i never knew what it felt like to let go. maybe i just think too much. maybe its just one of the side effects of being smart. or one of the side effects of thinking you are smart. you think you are special. you start believing that you are here the one who is going to make a difference to the world. you think too much.

someone i know told me once, "stop taking yourself so seriously." i am trying. trying to get there. and there lies the irony.

i really want to.

i really want to talk to some one right now. really really do. don't know why, but i want to. for the past few days i've been thinking a lot. and i just feel like talking. but i can't because of some constraints, i can't. and now i'm becoming impatient. i can't name the person. the person may not even know the subject of this note. and that's the way i want it. why? i don't know. but maybe cause being inconspicuous is always better when it comes to matters of the heart. and i have learned this via experience, a lot of experience. (at this point the reader is expected to laugh at my condition. cause at this point the author is also laughing.)

what do you when you are in such a situation? keep shut. shut your mouth, tie your fingers. lock yourself in a bathroom. but since being locked in the bathroom of an engineering college counts as a near death experience, i'm saving it for later. as for the options, they are ruled out cause i'm bored and need to do something. so i'm typing this note. also, i like to entertain people, so i am. like this.

where was i? oh yes. i want to talk to someone. someone in particular. still no way out of this situation. should i message that person? guess i should. there's no harm in that. i don't think there is. but i don't want to appear desperate. because i know that even though the person i want to talk to cares about me, i don't want to appear desperate to talk.

i've done enough of that to know better. and please note, the gender of the person in question hasn't been specified (and my sexual orientation is not under question in any way, so count that out.)

whatever i just said can apply to both sexes. and the fact that i've appeared over eager is also applicable to both sexes. the only thing that can be said for sure is that this is not a family member, cause the desperation is no longer a factor in that case.

now i don't know how ti conclude this note. its always the most difficult part. to end a good article well. this is based on the assumption that this is a good article. that's what we call a fair assumption. so i stop. like so.

or not. i don't think i should try to hard to end it well cause otherwise it would appear that i'm too desperate to end it well. which i am not. so what do i do? do i just stop and be cool. i guess so.





P.S. i did message the subject of this note after i finished writing it. still waiting for a reply. sigh... guess i shouldn't have messaged. i did act desperate.

P.P.S the P.S. was just an attempt to end this article well. i guess i succeeded.

Ode to the Nice Guys

Ode To The Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.




NOTE - I wasn't going to publish anything which is not my own creation on this blog, but this had to be shared. This is the best piece of literature I have come across in a long time.

acceptance.

i walk around at night in my new red reebok sweatshirt. it keeps me warm. i always wear the hood. it's still cold sometimes. but it's okay. i struggle with the 2 am cold. i cross my arms against my chest. trying to keep myself warm. this happens everyday.

then my college fest begins and so do nights which end at 6 am. all the while sitting or roaming around in the open. these nights are significantly colder than those 2 am nights cause we are 10 days farther into the winter now. i don't have the time to go back and get my red saviour.

so i try using the tried and tested technique of crossing my arms over my chest. wondering whether it'll help. it doesn't. i keep trying. then lost in conversation, i use my hands to make some emphatic statements and act like a fool. some time later, i realize that i need to set up camp again. but i don't feel the cold anymore. no sweatshirt!! still not cold!! wow!! i just gave in to the fact that its cold and out of my control, so the cold blended with the surroundings and it was no longer a major figure in my frame.

let go. accept. "samta mein raho" (stay in a state of equilibrium).



NOTE: this is a work to express philosophical thoughts, not anatomical sciences. any death occurring due to acts inspired by the article are not the author's responsibility.

peace in death metal.

there is mayhem everywhere.. mosh pit.. growling.. the guitar rips..the pit grows.. crowd roars again, like a second volcanic eruption in an already erupting volcano.. the music is now a river of lava.. crossing everything in its path, changing it as it passes..

i sit.. in the darkness.. with my head in my t shirt.. the smell of my deodorant mixed with that of the newly forming sweat strangely seems alien.. the music is bursting in my ears.. but all i feel is peace. peace of mind. total and complete thoughtlessness. no worries. no maddening need to control. no need to reason. no need to know. no need to expect. no need to obey. no need to let go. no need to move on. no needs. no expectations. nothing. that's the way i would like to live my life. in a constant state of thoughtlessness. living only on the basis of instinct. living or surviving? i'm not really sure. nothingness is everything.

is that why people do drugs and consume alcohol? i guess. but that would be a state of absence of control. it's not the same thing. knowing you can snap out of it and regain your thoughts and emotions is what makes the whole experience so wonderful. knowing that you are in a trance in the real world. not in a parallel world where everything appears to be as u want it to be.

this is the first time in my life when i realize the power of music without the lyrics.
lyrics invoke thoughts. music sets u free. free to let ur mind wander or vanish... poof!!