my valentine.

it's valentine's day. today is the day for young lovers, or so i've heard. today, two people who love each other (or two people pretending to love each other so that they don't feel lonely and can get some action in the sack) put in considerable effort to tell their partner that they love them.

i can see people waking around looking. some looking at that lovely person by their side. some looking with hazy eyes at the happy looking people, thinking about old times. some just staring and being obscene. then there's me. i'm looking too. but this time, for the first time in my life, i'm not one of those people. i was never the first kind, never the second, always the third. but today i'm looking at the sky.

the thoughts in my mind surprise me. i feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. but this isn't the annual "valentine's day... good for you archie's. sigh...", its different. i want to be with my valentine. the person i love more than anyone else in the whole world. i want to hug her, kiss her. i want to rest my head in her lap and slowly fall asleep there.

it's 10am. she's probably reading the paper right now. having breakfast. having her cornflake-biscuit pudding. in half an hour, she'll probably be watching tv and within 10 minutes she'll be nodding off. then she'll wake up suddenly, carelessly brush aside the things on the bed, curl up into a ball and take her 5 minute nap. at this point i would give her a kiss on her cheek. i wish i could.

i miss you mom.

happy valentine's day.