not again. it won't happen again. i'm not gonna self destruct. not again. and the quest begins. i walk with confidence and hack down the opposition. go ahead full steam. cutting and slashing with every focused stroke. a planned, well thought out plan of action. then i head back to base, thinking i have completed this task successfully. finally! jubilation! celebration! but there is also that feeling in the pit of my stomach which tells me that the celebrations should wait till there is confirmation. but the opportunity to celebrate is too rare to let it go. but the celebrations continue while fearing what'll come if i'm wrong. and then it comes. and i drown in it, struggling to stay up. and then i'm under with my last gulp of air.